FOUR!!!!

4 years ago today Cameron and I became more than friends. Its crazy to think that that much time has passed, but at the same time, I feel like its been much longer. I remember that day really well though. Anyone who knows Cameron knows he has a problem with nerves, and can't hide it! His fingers start to shake and his voice gets all shaky - not to mention the sweaty sweaty hands (that's what gave it all away when he proposed - He was all you know, calm and collected, until he started talking about us and something he wanted to ask and.... bring on the shaking hands!!! I knew it was something BIG)! But I LOVE it! I love that he gets nervous!...  when there was something BIG, something he wanted to say or do SO bad, but was so nervous to do so. I use past tense because I'm happy to say that after almost 3 years of marriage he has managed to mostly shake off those nerves, I mean we're pretty comfortable with each other now. ;-)

As part of that date, Cam and I played dress up at the Church's Motion Picture studio! Don't we make such lovely laminates!? :)

The date ended up turning into an all day affair. We had been really good friends for a while and it was so easy to spend time together and loose track of it! After playing dress up and taking a long tour of the studio I met up with Cameron later in the evening for dinner at some yummy Mexican restaurant off Center Street. Afterwards, we journeyed across the street to the park to goof of and just talk. We ended up having a "serious" "DTR" (whatever that means - but you get the idea) discussion on the bleachers there and ended the evening soaked by the automatic sprinkler system! Walking back to the car, drenched, hand in hand, I knew this was the start of something BIG!

Today we also celebrated Little Bug's 4 months! Wow! Time is flying by! and she is getting to be so much fun! Its crazy how small these little babies are but how so much of their personality starts to develop and becomes apparent. And I am certain that this LITTLE baby has room for a BIG personality.

Poor thing has had a really good cold all week! Her first one! Which has been torture to see her sick. You feel so bad for them - how frustrating to have a leaky faucet as a nose with no instinct to blow, or at least sniff...instead it covers your face, drains into your mouth and leaves you out of breath. I called my mom Monday in a panic after listening to Laila struggle to breath through her nose all night wondering if it is possible to suffocate from said leaky-faucet. Death-by-snot! Ah! On the up-side, I have been so sad that I don't have a cuddly baby, well I did this week. We went through spurts of wanting to sleep all day and cuddle to grump, fussy, and don't you dare put me down. She is feeling better now! Yay! Although, have you ever heard a baby who has lost her voice try and talk to herself, or cry, or scream out of frustration. Its hard not to laugh at her, so we do. Its pretty cute. I love my little scratchy-voice bug-eye baby!!!!

My blue eyed beauty!!!!

This is why we call her "Little bug"...those eyes can get soooo BIG! I am so happy she got her daddy's eyes- I love them!!!!

Mother's day photo

Time flies when you're having fun!

So the other day I was flipping through old pictures and videos of Laila and I was shocked!!!! She has changed SO SO SO much. It's amazing how fast their little bodies grow. I swear sometimes it happens overnight, I will go in in the morning and I am looking at a bigger, older looking little baby girl! Ahhh! No one told me to enjoy those early sleepless nights when I could barely keep my eyes open, or those oh-so lovely noisy evenings...ok, maybe people did tell me but I didn't want to believe it. I think it is super easy to always be looking forward to the next stage, whatever that may be. I have learned my lesson. I am sure the day will come when I go back on my words, but just shove it back at me - ENJOY IT! It flies by! "My baby's all grown up and saving China and all! " ;-) Ahhh!

Speaking of "growing up"...guess who is starting to figure out how to get from her tummy to her back. Little Laila is doing flips, well rolls....All that wiggling is working for her!

My giggly and sometimes screaming little bundle of joy!

Today was a hard day. I didn't think they could, but I think Laila's screams are growing in volume. I just felt drained. We had places we needed to be and responsibilities to fulfill, and the little girl was going to make sure to make them more difficult than enjoyable. After several hours of screaming in the car to and from places, I decided enough was enough and it was time to retreat back to headquarters. I was skyping a good friend this afternoon and her first comment was wow, you look exhausted...who knew I was wearing it so vividly on my face - and I try so hard to hide it...opps. I can't blame her too much for her comment because beyond brushing my teeth for the day we really didn't get very far in trying our best to look ready for the world.

After all of this, however (which really is nothing too terribly tragic or difficult) I found myself sitting on the couch with Laila in my lap. Post feeding, which is more often than not our happiest time of the day. And cue the water works. Tears started to flood down my cheeks as I realized how much I loved this giggly and sometimes screaming little bundle of joy! It doesn't take much to get a grin on her face anymore, and her giggles absolutely melt my heart.

I remember writing a post earlier about how its okay to say you're not enjoying things that first month, or how difficult it can be. People don't tell you that. Again, I have to add how truly blessed we have been for good health, for all of us. In retrospect, we were so blessed and continue to be so.  But now that my sanity is coming back (although its probably debatable) and those sleepless nights are not nearly as sleepless, I truly can wrap my head around what an incredible blessing and time this is for our little family.

She is such a chatterbox. But the best part is is she will look you directly in the eyes and just talk and talk and talk. Its like she really is trying to tell you something. Its incredible! Her little eyebrows and eyes move with each inflection. I LOVE it (well...most of the time - we have recently "kicked" her out of sleeping in our room due to her 3:00am conversations with herself :) )  !

I have a good friend who just found out she is expecting! Yay! However, I think it is finally settling in as she spends a lot of time with her head in the toilet and wishing she were in bed. She's not too excited about the near future. I remember that. I remember talking with my dad and asking him why there were not more single children in this world. Why would anyone sign up to do this thing more than once?!

Before finding out that our two-some would be turning into a three-some, we were both looking at acceptance letters into programs we were both anxious about pursuing.  When plans shifted I wasn't so sure of their new direction. It wasn't until that first ultra-sound, when we could see facial features and a heart beat. It wasn't until I could feel those flutters in my stomach. It wasn't until Cameron laid is head on my belly and got a visible kick in the face that I realized what an incredible thing this was. It was and is worth every moment of my head in the toliet, every moment awake when I would rather be asleep, worth every tear and feeling of inadequacy and exhaustion ...it is worth everything I could possibly sacrifice and give.  Besides her father, Laila is my greatest possession. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father. For his trusting us with her little body and spirit. Witnessing the miracle of life, I think, really confirms that there is more than just this earthly existence. What an incredible amazing thing!

Happy Mother's day!

My mom has always been someone I have looked up to and admired. I am so blessed to have such a great role model in my life and now in Laila's. LOVE YOU MOM!

Laila's first birthday party

Laila's first big bash with the other kiddos! We're lacking on the social skills, but you got to cut her some slack...what do you expect from a 3 month old, right?! :)

Laila and handsome Luke! Someday soon they'll be buddy buddy :)

Me and mamma shaking our hips with our maraca!